Wednesday, January 23, 2013

fixing myself

last year I promised to surround myself with positive people and at the end of it I learned that I don't love myself.
because I surrounded myself with people who weren't positive but they just loved themselves and had no struggles or concern with anyone elses.
so I faced my struggles alone and kept things to myself and I think that made me hate myself.
it made me want to be them.
so this year it's not about surrounding myself with positive people or negative people like I did without noticing the year before but to find balance.
balance is the key.
to have positive people that aren't petty, that don't just live to smoke weed and drink. and to find someone like my old friends who were sad and deep but don't just live to cut and be depressed. I need to find stability.
stability is the key.
to have someone who has a mutual respect for you and concern for you. a friend, or lover who loves you too. there's no effort. just compromise.
compromise is the key.

I can't see a doctor so im trying to fix myself and love myself and do this on my own and it can drive me crazy sometimes but other times I feel like I have life all figured out and I want to write it down but really I just want to tell someone.
so I need to find that person with balance, stability, and whose willing to compromise so they can know what I think I've figured out and so they can know the things I haven't figured out too.

sometimes I get this really weird feeling that things are gunna work out, like this is just the beginning. and honestly I just close my eyes and savor it.

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