Thursday, February 14, 2013

the problem to my relationships

I used to spend so much time trying to explain myself, and every time, I explained myself differently. so I just stopped because I'm constantly changing, and the only thing that ever remains the same is that after all is said and done and I put myself out there, I'm still misunderstood.

I just don't want to give people the time to get to know me because the moment you start something with someone and reveal yourself, that's an attachment. and when you start something, that also includes an ending.
I spend my whole life not defining things and dragging things along because I'm waiting for that feeling to go away. I'm waiting to not be scared of the ending, I'm waiting for the person that is worth the risk. that no matter what the ending looks like, ill be there.

and theres a person i have in mind.
and i trust him so much, like hes the only person i trust and that scares me and tht makes me not want to trust him, i dont want him to be that person. because that means hes kinda a big deal.
there's a part of me that hopes he'll say he can't do this anymore because I know I can't be the one to let go, there's no closure in that. and there's another part of me that just wants to hold on tighter, to hold on for dear life because i believe in me and him so much.
and after its all said and done I will never try and wonder what happened to us because then I would ruin myself by thinking about something that was really nothing.

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