Monday, March 18, 2013


I can't.
I can't speak.
people ask my what's wrong and if just won't come out.
I'm so scared of everything, so irrationally scared and paranoid.
I'm confused as to how this all could happen. how can I not feel anything, how am I so alone, so mad, so sad, so scared, so heartless, so bi polar, so crazy.
I'm going crazy. still going crazy.
I've never burned myself so good until a couple days ago.
I've been thinking about killing myself every day. I've been crying every day.
I never cry.
why didn't the world end? how didn't it? how am I still here and how is this real life? I don't feel real. I feel like it's impossible for someone to feel this way. how can a mind be so fucked up?
and most importantly, how can I be so fucked up in the head and completely aware of it but I can't change it. why can't it just be that easy! and why do I know I need hell but can't seem to know why I need it or why I can't talk about it. I just know something really fucked up is going on.
I wake up every morning just to want to go right back to my dreams. I don't want this to be real anymore. id rather be gone. I'd rather be dead. I need help because this is the end. I can feel it and I crying out for help in my head but no one can hear me.
someone please help me, please save me.
I don't want to be like her.
like my step mom.
what if no one believes that I'm fucked up.
I don't think anyone will.
they will think I'm lying just like she was. she lied and wanted everyone to port her and I hated her and now I'm like her.
what if the whole time what she was feeling was real?
I need to be saved

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