Thursday, September 26, 2013

the worst kind

getting satisfaction over someone else's satisfaction, I can't explain it. is that love?
I think it's a part of love but when it's just that and nothing else, it's lust.
so after I justify it for myself, now I can say that his satisfaction is mine. the things I do just to know he will like it, it's all because I'm satisfied with myself when he's satisfied with me. 
it sounds very unhealthy, and it probably is. but I can't help it.

Monday, September 23, 2013

it feels great to be needed

the greatest feeling has to be getting over someone completely. 
where you don't hate them, you can be around them, you can even have a conversation with them and finally be happy for their happiness. 
we have wronged each other so many times that I forgot whose fault it was to begin with, but I know now that what has come out of it all was getting to know someone, and tonight I found out that whether its romantic or just friends, that that someone needs me. 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

I'm depressed.

I'm depressed. every day is tough, some days are tougher, and every now and then just thinking about another day cripples me.
I'm depressed but I've accepted it. it may have taken me years but im here now. yeah I'm sad but that's a part of me. I'm always thinking a million miles per hour and sometimes it just paralyzes me. instead of trying to cure myself, I need to find myself. that may take just sitting in bed and thinking some more or it may take a vacation, or road trip. 
I wish I could look up, but instead of always looking down, I can at least look forward. 
I've been trying to cure myself for so long  because I never could accept who I am. I still haven't but I do know, you can't cure who you are.
I can't cure who I am. I have to accept it, and live with it. because life is the only option and I am who I am.